Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need a burrito and a hug.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
