Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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