Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
