I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
