my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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