Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
