Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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