And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
