all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize