Just fell off a train. Bad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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