I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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