What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
