someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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