no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
