Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
