I smell stomach acid.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
