I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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