i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
