I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
