You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
