Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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