i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
