I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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