It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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