you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
