Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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