You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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