If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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