Who did Billy Mays play for?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
