You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
