I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
