perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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