He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
