My cat gives me a boner
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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