why didn't you poke me back
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
