Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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