Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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