she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
