I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
