Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
