I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
