its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize