Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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