There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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