hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
