Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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