You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
