we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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