The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
