i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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