So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
