just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
