i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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