She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
