I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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