we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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