Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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