How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
