Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
