It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
