my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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