That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
