Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
