Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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