three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
