i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
