Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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