i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
