i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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