but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
