ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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