hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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