Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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