listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
