Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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