Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
