Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
