My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my sisters under your porch take her home
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
