the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
