WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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