I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
