I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
