You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
