totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
