dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
