was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
