I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When are your genitals available?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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