I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
