I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
