I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
