He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
