Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
