i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
