Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
