HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize