it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
