Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
