So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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