I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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