all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
