I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
