All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize