Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
