addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
