i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
