so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
