life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
