we're blogging at a bar
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
