I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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