I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
